It’s hot out there, and there are guys who don’t know how to take care of their balls, butt, and crotch in the heat. As men, our balls are both our best friends and our worst enemies, depending on what we’re up to. This simple guide will help you and your boys get through the summer in three complete, yet separate pieces.
1. Keep it dry
It’s shocking how many men don’t bother to dry and powder their balls. This one simple step in the morning will keep you feeling fresh, smelling fine, and outside the reach of itchy fungus and bacteria.
My morning undercarriage routine is a quick 2-step process: after I’ve dried my hair, I run the dryer down there for a good 30 seconds. No matter how much you think you’ve towel dried, your balls and undercarriage are still moist. A hair dryer will prep your boy for step two: powder.
Powdering your balls will not just take up additional moisture from the shower, but it will keep working throughout the day. It’ll also keep bacteria at bay which means your junk won’t stink up the joint, and we all know that smell in the dead of summer. Finally, it’ll keep you from chafing as you move about the world throughout the day.
You can use the classics, like Johnson’s Baby Powder, Gold Bond, or staff favorite (price/performance) Clubman Pinaud Talc. Problem is, you can end up smelling like baby powder. Some people love that smell, and for others, not so much, so you’ll have to judge for yourself. If you’re feeling luxurious, I love the feel and smell of Jack Black Dry Down powder, and its minty freshness is a welcome treat on humid mornings. For a spin on things, Fresh Body Fresh Balls is a talc-free lotion that spreads on and immediately dries into a day-lasting dry covering that won’t leave powder all over your bathroom floor or dark-colored pants. It’s not cheap at $10/per, but I’ve found it’s worth it.
2. Use synthetic fabrics
You may be lucky enough to work somewhere where you can wear shorts. If you do, wear shorts. But if not, you’ll have to wear sweat-inducing, chafing, hot-as-balls jeans or slacks. But fear not, and even if you can wear shorts, heed the following advice: Your underwear this summer should not be cotton.
Read that again: Your underwear this summer should not be cotton. I’ve done a lot of experimenting with this lately, and here’s what I’ve learned: Synthetic-fabric underwear, the stretchy, moisture-wicking kind, is several orders of magnitude more comfortable in the heat than standard cotton underwear. It moves with you, doesn’t pill up into sandpaper-like surfaces, breaths don’t bunch up, and it just feels good.
If you’re feeling spendy, try Ex Officio or Stance boxer briefs. If you’re looking to keep your wallet full, Uniqlo’s Airism line of boxer briefs are excellent, and they last a surprisingly long time. Do this. Trust me on this.
3. Carry wipes
If you’re away from home all day like most people, chances are you’re going to need to drop a deuce. You will then need to wipe up with gritty toilet paper and spend the rest of the day feeling like you’ve got a swampy science experiment taking place that never quite goes away. Sure, there are things you can do with your diet to decrease your chances of mud butt, but the reality is that it will happen.
The answer here is simple: Carry flushable wipes. These moistened jobbies will cut through the bad stuff and allow you to walk away feeling clean and fresh for the rest of the hot summer day. For ease of carrying, we like Dude Wipes, but they can be pricey. Flushable wipes from Cottonelle can be had for a lot less, but they often come in annoying and indiscrete packaging. Do some experimentation – your personal lifestyle and needs will vary – but at the end of the day, wiping your bum down properly will make your summer a lot comfier.
This one may not apply to all men, but if you’ve been blessed with a healthy amount of hair down below, you should look into some trimming and grooming. Not only will it make things a lot more accessible for your playmates, but it will also reduce the number of bacteria left behind when you sweat. Plus, it makes all the above things: drying up, wiping down, and powdering out a lot easier and thorough.
Start with an electric trimmer that you can pick up from Amazon or local stores. Some double as beard and face trimmers, so that may be an economic double dip. You may even already have a capable product sitting under your sink. But be careful: Make sure the trimmer you use is meant for personal grooming. Your naughty bits have lots of skin folds and you do NOT want an open-tooth trimmer anywhere near your boys.
5. Know your size
I see dudes walking the hot streets of New York in tight denim and I feel for them. Not only are they following a questionable fashion trend, but they’re also suffocating their boys and, from the way they’re waddling, not feeling terribly comfortable down there.
Regardless of your style, know your size. So many men think they’re a size smaller than they actually are, and they suffer as a result, either through sweating and chafing or through the resultant trouser crotch rot. You know what I’m talking about: those holes that get worn through your pants’ crotches during the summer and you wonder “Why?”
I’ll tell you why: Your pants are too small, your thighs are rubbing together, and with the added moisture from the sweat, your burning through your pants. Go a size bigger. No one cares about your size other than yourself. And maybe your mom.